Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977)
Directed and Written by George Barry
Dear My brain... I'm so sorry I did this to you... I plan Patton Oswalt
If you've heard Patton Oswalt's bit about Death Bed, you may be under the same impression I was. "Oh, this sounds like a terribly funny b-movie!" But you're wrong... It's a b-movie beyond being mock-worthy. Just walk away.
Some young kids in heat find a random place in the wilderness to shag (cause of course that's a good idea). They get it on whilst on the bed. But it's not a normal bed. It's Death Bed, the bed that eats!!!
Needless to say the lovers are absorbed into the bed. Fast forward a little and three girls drive up to spend the weekend in the area. Two are friends, and the third is a work acquaintance who invited herself along but soon regrets it.
Once the girls arrive, the third wheel decided she'll sleep the day away on a random bed they stumble upon in a bunker. The other two go to explore, while third wheel Suzan stays behind. She falls asleep and the bed kind of gets off from her sleeping body. Somehow the bed undresses her, does its thing, then eats her. Once she girls return they're puzzled by her disappearance. Thinking she couldn't have gone very far, one girl, Sharon, decides to drive up the way they came while the other, Diane, stays behind in case she returns.
Diane chugs down some wine and soon finds herself resting on the bed. She awakens to see Suzan saying she is dead. Both of them are in a book of names of the dead. Diane looks at the book, made of reflective sheets, and page after page she sees only her reflection. This is just a dream of her and Suzan, so this time she wakes for real. Unfortunately she stirs to the realization that the bed is gobbling her up. Whimpering, she drags herself off the bed to the stairs leading out of the bunker. On the top step it seems she's home free, when one of the sheets whips out and wraps around her, pulling her back.
Sharon returns just in time to see this, but is unable to saver her friend.
Meanwhile Sharon's brother has been trying to find her for some reason. He eventually arrives in the brick shack to see his sister huddled in the corner. Why has the bed not taken her, you ask. It is because Sharon's eyes look like the eyes of the lover of the demon who bled tears on the bed, bringing it to life. In short, Sharon reminds Death Bed of its mom.
Understand the bed is evil, Sharon's brother stabs it. But Death Bed latches onto the knife, and instead of letting go he lets his hands get sucked in with it. When he manages to wriggle free, Death Bed has picked his hands clean, leaving only the bones exposed. Sharon's brother says he can't tale the sight of his own bones, so she snaps his hands off for him.
Then somehow there's a dude trapped behind a painting (who has been playing narrator this whole time). He gives Sharon instructions on how to kill the bed, though it seems to cost her life and her brother's to do so.
So death bed is destroyed, and we're all left feeling underwhelmed.
Cause even Death Bed gets a bit upset inside. Image from
I want to mention that at no time during this movie does anyone under attack scream. They just stay silent as they're eaten alive, or whimper. Maybe if they asked for help, someone near by could have come over or something. The pacing is also so slow that during scenes where people are getting killed, the whimpering makes it sound like you're watching porn (I watched this at a friend's parents' house and we both prayed that they wouldn't hear this flick, come downstairs and be like "What the heck???").
There's also a lot of moments of unnecessary nudity, like in Diane's dream.
The story is so convoluted that there has to be a narrator. Instead of having characters with dialogue, the narrator just tries to fill you in.
Also if you are so curious, you'll notice that all the girl's filmographies on IMDB only consist of Death Bed: The Bed That Eats. Maybe it turned them off from ever wanting to act again?
As mentioned before, this movie was so bad that there wasn't even enough to make fun of. Save yourselves and watch something else like Zombies on a Plane.
If for whatever reason you still feel the need to watch it, don't waste the $15 on the DVD like I did. Talk someone else into buying it for you, or maybe check it out here for free https://youtu.be/r9CL4erF9Qw
Directed and Written by George Barry
Dear My brain... I'm so sorry I did this to you... I plan Patton Oswalt
If you've heard Patton Oswalt's bit about Death Bed, you may be under the same impression I was. "Oh, this sounds like a terribly funny b-movie!" But you're wrong... It's a b-movie beyond being mock-worthy. Just walk away.
Some young kids in heat find a random place in the wilderness to shag (cause of course that's a good idea). They get it on whilst on the bed. But it's not a normal bed. It's Death Bed, the bed that eats!!!
The 5 star meal the guy brings for the girl he's shagging.
Once the girls arrive, the third wheel decided she'll sleep the day away on a random bed they stumble upon in a bunker. The other two go to explore, while third wheel Suzan stays behind. She falls asleep and the bed kind of gets off from her sleeping body. Somehow the bed undresses her, does its thing, then eats her. Once she girls return they're puzzled by her disappearance. Thinking she couldn't have gone very far, one girl, Sharon, decides to drive up the way they came while the other, Diane, stays behind in case she returns.
Diane chugs down some wine and soon finds herself resting on the bed. She awakens to see Suzan saying she is dead. Both of them are in a book of names of the dead. Diane looks at the book, made of reflective sheets, and page after page she sees only her reflection. This is just a dream of her and Suzan, so this time she wakes for real. Unfortunately she stirs to the realization that the bed is gobbling her up. Whimpering, she drags herself off the bed to the stairs leading out of the bunker. On the top step it seems she's home free, when one of the sheets whips out and wraps around her, pulling her back.
Diane fails to escape, and is dragged back to bed to finish the "job"
Meanwhile Sharon's brother has been trying to find her for some reason. He eventually arrives in the brick shack to see his sister huddled in the corner. Why has the bed not taken her, you ask. It is because Sharon's eyes look like the eyes of the lover of the demon who bled tears on the bed, bringing it to life. In short, Sharon reminds Death Bed of its mom.
Understand the bed is evil, Sharon's brother stabs it. But Death Bed latches onto the knife, and instead of letting go he lets his hands get sucked in with it. When he manages to wriggle free, Death Bed has picked his hands clean, leaving only the bones exposed. Sharon's brother says he can't tale the sight of his own bones, so she snaps his hands off for him.
Sharon and her brother, who is being recruited for the skeleton army
So death bed is destroyed, and we're all left feeling underwhelmed.
Death Bed on its deathbed as it weird ritual continues to destroy it
I want to mention that at no time during this movie does anyone under attack scream. They just stay silent as they're eaten alive, or whimper. Maybe if they asked for help, someone near by could have come over or something. The pacing is also so slow that during scenes where people are getting killed, the whimpering makes it sound like you're watching porn (I watched this at a friend's parents' house and we both prayed that they wouldn't hear this flick, come downstairs and be like "What the heck???").
There's also a lot of moments of unnecessary nudity, like in Diane's dream.
The story is so convoluted that there has to be a narrator. Instead of having characters with dialogue, the narrator just tries to fill you in.
Also if you are so curious, you'll notice that all the girl's filmographies on IMDB only consist of Death Bed: The Bed That Eats. Maybe it turned them off from ever wanting to act again?
As mentioned before, this movie was so bad that there wasn't even enough to make fun of. Save yourselves and watch something else like Zombies on a Plane.
If for whatever reason you still feel the need to watch it, don't waste the $15 on the DVD like I did. Talk someone else into buying it for you, or maybe check it out here for free https://youtu.be/r9CL4erF9Qw
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