Death Bed: The Bed That Eats

Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977)
Directed and Written by George Barry

Dear My brain... I'm so sorry I did this to you... I plan Patton Oswalt 

If you've heard Patton Oswalt's bit about Death Bed, you may be under the same impression I was. "Oh, this sounds like a terribly funny b-movie!" But you're wrong... It's a b-movie beyond being mock-worthy. Just walk away.

Some young kids in heat find a random place in the wilderness to shag (cause of course that's a good idea). They get it on whilst on the bed. But it's not a normal bed. It's Death Bed, the bed that eats!!!

The 5 star meal the guy brings for the girl he's shagging.

Needless to say the lovers are absorbed into the bed. Fast forward a little and three girls drive up to spend the weekend in the area. Two are friends, and the third is a work acquaintance who invited herself along but soon regrets it.
Once the girls arrive, the third wheel decided she'll sleep the day away on a random bed they stumble upon in a bunker. The other two go to explore, while third wheel Suzan stays behind. She falls asleep and the bed kind of gets off from her sleeping body. Somehow the bed undresses her, does its thing, then eats her. Once she girls return they're puzzled by her disappearance. Thinking she couldn't have gone very far, one girl, Sharon, decides to drive up the way they came while the other, Diane, stays behind in case she returns.
Diane chugs down some wine and soon finds herself resting on the bed. She awakens to see Suzan saying she is dead. Both of them are in a book of names of the dead. Diane looks at the book, made of reflective sheets, and page after page she sees only her reflection. This is just a dream of her and Suzan, so this time she wakes for real. Unfortunately she stirs to the realization that the bed is gobbling her up. Whimpering, she drags herself off the bed to the stairs leading out of the bunker. On the top step it seems she's home free, when one of the sheets whips out and wraps around her, pulling her back. 

Diane fails to escape, and is dragged back to bed to finish the "job"

Sharon returns just in time to see this, but is unable to saver her friend.
Meanwhile Sharon's brother has been trying to find her for some reason. He eventually arrives in the brick shack to see his sister huddled in the corner. Why has the bed not taken her, you ask. It is because Sharon's eyes look like the eyes of the lover of the demon who bled tears on the bed, bringing it to life. In short, Sharon reminds Death Bed of its mom.
Understand the bed is evil, Sharon's brother stabs it. But Death Bed latches onto the knife, and instead of letting go he lets his hands get sucked in with it. When he manages to wriggle free, Death Bed has picked his hands clean, leaving only the bones exposed. Sharon's brother says he can't tale the sight of his own bones, so she snaps his hands off for him.

Sharon and her brother, who is being recruited for the skeleton army

Then somehow there's a dude trapped behind a painting (who has been playing narrator this whole time). He gives Sharon instructions on how to kill the bed, though it seems to cost her life and her brother's to do so.
So death bed is destroyed, and we're all left feeling underwhelmed.

Death Bed on its deathbed as it weird ritual continues to destroy it

Cause even Death Bed gets a bit upset inside. Image from 

I want to mention that at no time during this movie does anyone under attack scream. They just stay silent as they're eaten alive, or whimper. Maybe if they asked for help, someone near by could have come over or something. The pacing is also so slow that during scenes where people are getting killed, the whimpering makes it sound like you're watching porn (I watched this at a friend's parents' house and we both prayed that they wouldn't hear this flick, come downstairs and be like "What the heck???").
There's also a lot of moments of unnecessary nudity, like in Diane's dream.
The story is so convoluted that there has to be a narrator. Instead of having characters with dialogue, the narrator just tries to fill you in.
Also if you are so curious, you'll notice that all the girl's filmographies on IMDB only consist of Death Bed: The Bed That Eats. Maybe it turned them off from ever wanting to act again?

As mentioned before, this movie was so bad that there wasn't even enough to make fun of. Save yourselves and watch something else like Zombies on a Plane.
If for whatever reason you still feel the need to watch it, don't waste the $15 on the DVD like I did. Talk someone else into buying it for you, or maybe check it out here for free https://youtu.be/r9CL4erF9Qw

Creepypasta Movies 2

A while back I wrote about some movies based on creatures centered in tons of Creepypastas. Well I watched some more, and here they are.

Fathom (2013)
Directed By Justin Jones
Written By Alexander Crews

I want to mention that the director did a lot more than direct. He's also credited as the editor, and steadicam operator. Alexander Crews is listed for cinematography as well as writing. I think it's really cool that these guys successfully have their fingers in several pies.

So this is a short film, running at 8 minutes. It focuses on a older gentleman who has been searching for Slender Man for ages after Slender Man took his sister and left only her shoes. After a lifetime of research he's not found a way to get to the Slender Man. Instead the Slender Man comes to him and offers him a way to see his sister again.

This is probably the best Slender Man film I've seen. Most are trash (thus they're not hard to beat), but this one is quality. Unlike most junk on YouTube, the audio is level, the camera is steady, and the acting is good.
Now it's not quite cinema quality, but it's very close. The only thing I'd say keeps it from being cinema quality is the Slender Man's costume. It's a dude on stilts with a white face mask and gloves. This is a practical costume which is probably done for budget reasons. I understand this, and it seems like the crew did too. And to try to enhance the costume there's an electrical interference effect, which is a nice touch. Colour grading is great too. All around it's a really well put together film. Would not be surprised if Gearmark Pictures starts having stuff widely in theatres in my lifetime.

Slender Man (2011)

This one sucks. Would not recommend anything beyond the first minutes 43 seconds. The guys screen with the camera zoom is hilarious! And same with the detective's chin scratch.

So Detective J is concerned for his brother once kids start disappearing. However his brother, Brian, doesn't like him. This is because after their father was murdered J left him and his mother. He tells J that he'll be safe, but Brian finds that he's being stalked by someone in a weird mask, and nearly everyone he's come in contact with ends up dead or missing.
Eventually Brian wakes up in the woods and gets attacked by the masked person. Mask guy reveals himself as a classmate of Brian's who has snatched Brian to use him as bait to meet Slender Man. Brian escapes the kid but then runs into Slender Man. Fortunately he knows Slender Man's "weakness" and pulls out his cellphone.
When Brian comes to again he's in his brother's car at the school. J tells him his teacher has something important for him so Brian heads into the school. J says he'll wait in the car. However he never comes back. It seems like the masked kid wants revenge.
 To be continued? No thanks.

This is the typical kids-with-a-camera quality video. It sucks. Tripod. Please. Or just stick a camera on a chair to keep it steady. But no. And then there's spelling mistakes. I'm not very good a spelling and my professional work goes through a lot of people to check that. Why didn't anyone screen for quality before releasing this video?

Screenshot from movie

Acting is not very good. Camera quality isn't that great. Cinematography isn't great. Slender Man costume is meah. The list goes on. All that being said, movies that suck like this made by a group of little kids are great first steps. My opinion, as harsh as it may seem sometimes, comes from a motion graphics and editor background. I like to see kids try, even if that means failing, because trying and failing is better than never trying at all.
And that being said, I don't think this was made by a group of little kids. I think it was made by young adults. There are simple errors that could be avoided, like spelling.
As of today there's over 1 million views. Likes and Dislikes are almost 50/50.

Butchy Kid Videos

SHOCKING SLENDER MAN VIDEO on Butchy Kid's YouTube

Butchy Kid Videos does tons of funny little videos. They're "sighting" of creatures like Slender Man, Bigfoot, Wolfman, and more. Very funny stuff. Would recommend.

7500 (2014)

7500 (2014)
Directed by Takashi Shimizu
Written by Craig Rosenberg

Image from IMDB

Words of advice: Don't waste your time.
This film (if you want to even call it that) is poo. A friend of mine sent me some reviews about it before its North American release on Dread Central and Bloody Disgusting. Both are very negative, to my dismay. But... they are also right. As Dread Central put it “Craig Rosenberg (The Quiet Ones) weaves a tale that would be better suited to the length of a Twilight Zone episode… a Twilight Zone episode from the more recent incarnations of the series and not a particularly good one, either.” Too true.
So in case you haven't heard of the film before, here's what I knew before getting into this. A few years back I hear about this film 7500. A horror film about a haunted flight on it's way to Japan? I'm so psyched! At this time in my life I am about to fly to Japan from the US myself. What timing! Unfortunately the release date is pushed. The move isn't released. Bummer. Fast forward and I'm still waiting for this film a year later. Again, release date is pushed. Finally fall 2014 it's released! Heck yeah I'm watching this. I've literally been waiting for this film for years. Now I've seen it and am sure glad that while I was waiting, I was doing other things, like having a life. I don't know what this film was originally intended to be, but it has ended up being garbage. To top it off, why release it now? CBS Films put it off so long already, why not another year so recent tragic aviary wounds can heal a little? With that last comment in mind, perhaps that is the reason that 7500 got released in plenty of other places before the US.

Now let's get less personal.

Time to board the plane from the US to Japan. It's only going to take a scant eight hours (my flight was maybe double that so no idea where they flew out from). But in spite of the short flight time, the plane is doomed.
On the plane there's a newly wed couple made up of a neurotic germaphobic woman and her well-mannered husband, goth chick, some punk kid who made it on with a carry-on full of stolen cell phones, a girl going to visit her boyfriend, some dude with a creepy old wooden box, a mom and her daughter, two flight attendants, two random dudes who work on the plane but only appear twice, and two couples going for the dream trip to Japan. There are a few more people but they didn't really seems to matter, and they also seem to randomly disappear throughout the film.
A couple hours into the flight and the group hits a bit of turbulence. The plane seems to make it through ok, but one passenger (the dude with the weird wooden box), has some sort of panic attack or seizure or something and DUN DUN DUN dies! There seems to have been nothing the two flight attendants and paramedic passenger (part of the group going for the dream trip) could have done.
Needing somewhere to put the body, the captain tells the flight attendant to move all people from the upstairs first class to regular seats downstairs so the body can be stashed there. There's only a few people on this flight from the US to Japan in total, nevermind the negligible number that was flying first class, so everyone that's inconvenienced gets over it fast.
Then shortly after, there's more flight troubles! The plane starts to plummet down from the sky. The oxygen masks fall. Baggage in overhead compartments rebel and rain down on the passengers below. Girl-going-to-visit-her-boyfriend is thrown around with her pants down in the lavatory while trying to take a pregnancy test. Luckily the captain somehow gets control back and the flight continues. Seems like everyone is ok. But then weird gets weirder. Punk kid with stolen cell phones decides to swipe the dead guy's Rolex and take a selfie upstairs, but something goes wrong. And he winds up missing. To top it off one of the flight attendant sees a jet out the window flying pretty close. She calls the captain to ask for what to do about the missing punk kid, the now missing body, and if he's seen a jet. Look for the body and no, no jet is the word.
The few passengers that remain decide to snoop through the dead guy's stuff to find and clues as to why things are going south (group composed of paramedic from before and his friend girl, and newly weds). Inside the wooden box they find an animatronic death doll that the dead dude was delivering for a client. Fortunately at that moment goth girl is there to talk about shinigami and how some people's spirits after death need to let go before they're able to be taken away by death. The gang also convinces a flight attendant that she should look at his checked luggage below for more clues. For whatever reason, she does, and she does it alone. That doesn't end well for her, though, when a pale hand reaches for her from his luggage.
Last remaining flight attendant then gets taken in front of the gang by something that pulls her into an overhead compartment.
They flee back downstairs and find girl-going-to-visit-boyfriend has once again tried to use the restroom for her pregnancy test, and is now dead with her pants down. What a way to go.
In the cockpit the pilot and copilot are dead too! What's going on? Well a conveniently timed news transmission comes on the plane's TVs to explain just that. Apparently when the plane dropped the second time everyone had actually died on board and the gang just hadn't accepted it yet. The plane had been on auto pilot this whole time and would crash into the water in a few hours. The jet outside was there to look inside to see if anyone may have survived. Nope.
Paramedic and his friend girl end the flight in an embrace, newly wed husband seems to be ok with it, and crazy wife is the only one left. She's taken by force by a ghostly hand in the trash, as the movie's last ditch effort to spook the audience with a jump scare. The end.

Dumb, I know. It's also one of those plane movies on a mysterious airline that takes off even though a flight is less than half full, and everyone has leg room. The aisles are wide enough for people to walk up and down at the same time, seats are wide and the cushions aren't worn in. The galley is spacious and passengers can just hang out there. Where does an airline like that exist? Why is it so hard for movies on airplanes to keep it real? It annoys me...

To top it off, the film's website doesn't even seem to have anything on it but a trailer. Maybe you can figure out the navigation, but if I have to spend more than a few minutes to find a button to take me to wallpapers or a site's homepage, then the site sucks. And at the time of this blog entry, the trailer is blocked on Youtube.

Screenshot of the official trailer page that I tried to access in the US from the link on the official movie website. G4? What? Right now you can watch the trailer on IGN's channel though. Weird...

Anyway, this film stinks. Don't do it.

Contracted (2013)

Contracted (2013)
Directed by Eric England
Written by Eric England

Image from http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTQwMjQyOTUwN15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMDQ3MzE2MDE@._V1_SX640_SY720_.jpg

STDs (or STIs as they're called nowadays) are pretty scary. Some things you can live with, some will kill you, and apparently some will do much worse. That's kind of the premise for Contracted.

From reviews and people I've spoken with, Contracted is either a movie you like or don't. Not really any gray area. I'm part of the do-not-like party. It's one of those movies that you can't even get attached to the protagonist because they do everything wrong. I want to see a horror movie where the character is taking steps towards self preservation, and she has to use intelligence to get out of a situation. I don't want to see a stupid girl get in trouble because of something she chose to do herself.

Samantha and Nikki are taking some time apart. Nikki is so over this, but Sam hopes it's just a short break. In the mean time Sam ends up at her friend Alice's house for a party. After a few drinks she can't even properly decipher which cup is hers and is handed one by an uninvited guest. Before she knows it, she's have straight unprotected sex in his car. In the morning she wakes up in her bed with a fuzzy memory and what she thinks is a bad hangover. At least in her room she's surrounded by beautiful flowers she's growing for a competition. Beyond her door is a mother who isn't so much concerned as she is leery that her daughter is using again.
At work Sam has trouble concentrating. She can't understand customers' orders, and is overwhelmed by a ringing white noise. Seeking solace in the ladies' room, things seems to calm down in her head, but she has a huge amount of blood escape from her lady bits.
Her doctor barely examines her and thinks she may have an STD. Sam is devastated. In her mind she cheated on her girlfriend with a MAN. If only she didn't take a drink from a stranger. If only she didn't have unprotected sex in someone else's car. If only she' insist that her doctor examine her thoroughly instead of looking only at her hips and waist with her panties still on and calling it a day.
Also during that day Sam insists that Nikki and her meet up. While eating out a dude approaches Sam to hit on her. Nikki tells him he doesn't have the right equipment, and he's confused, seeing as Sam did have sex with a guy just a while before. Luckily Nikki shoos him away before she finds out about it.
Later on things get worse. Sam's hair is falling out, Sam's teeth are falling out, Sam's eye is messed up, and maggots are falling from her vagina. And her flowers are dying. So what does she do? Fight with her mom and go to work.
Her boss has insisted she work for a bit before heading to the doctor (not emergency room), but she's cut off when a customer finds bits of her in the food she's prepared.
Once again at the doctor, he doesn't seem too concerned. Tells her he's running tests and she should keep herself isolated for the time being. During all this, Alice has been contacted by the police about one of the guests at her party. He's a wanted man. Has Sam seen this guy? Oh she's more than seem him. He's the one who gave this present to her. But Sam is reluctant still to divulge, because what if Nikki finds out? Alice calls Nikki anyway to tell her and hopefully convince Sam to go to the police. Unfortunately that's not what goes down.
Sam turns from lover to stalker as she shows up at Nikki's, pounding on her door. Can't you tell she's over you? And she's extra pissed that you slept with a man. Sam can't take the criticism and rejection though. If she can't have Nikki no one will. She forces open Nikki's door, throwing Nikki to the ground. While she's dazed, Sam takes the opportunity to kill her. She then decides to stop in at Alice's since she's the one that told Nikki.
When Sam arrives, Alice soon can tell something is wrong. She tries fighting Sam off, but once again Sam kills a friend. And of course the next logical step after killing is to call up that one customer from your work that's been hitting on you, and inviting him over.
So he shows up, and in spite of the fact that clumps of her hair are missing, she's got the teeth of a Mountain Dew addict, one eye is blank, and her lip is scabbed over, this guy decided that he's down to bone. Ooo and she feels so good, right? Wrong. After a few pumps he realizes Sam is crazy bleeding all over his junk, and when he pulls out maggots fall to the floor. Gross! Guy freaks out (as he should have from the start) and rushes to the bathroom to clean off. Unfortunately he finds Alice's body in the bath tub. What to do?!
Sam leaves Alice's and gives her mom a ring. Her mom all of a sudden is concerned about her and her whereabouts. Sam, however, passes out at the wheel. When she comes to, the man has arrived, as well as her mom, and has her car surrounded. She gimply swats at the armed officers, while her mom calls to her. Sam rushes her mother, and finally we see that Zombieism is an STD. And guy from the party (BJ) is spreading it.

Image from http://i1095.photobucket.com/albums/i461/gokbiloz/ARNT4/7_zps6a943829.jpg~original

Above is a picture of Sam, halfway through her demise. Don't you want to get with that, just like random guy at the end of the movie? NO! Not to say she's ugly, but simply because any good samaritan would think this looks like a person in distress. She needs medical help. But no. Instead Nikki is too caught up in their breakup and Sam's 'confused' sexuality, Alice is too upset that Sam didn't turn herself into the police, guy from restaurant is too horny, mom thinks she's just a crack head, and Samantha is just dumb. Like I said earlier, can't even feel bad for them. Stupid people suffer avoidable consequences.
Additionally, if your employee came to work looking like that, wouldn't you want her to leave immediately and seek medical aid? Gosh people.

Image from http://i.imgur.com/l0Lxien.png

This movie spans 3 days too, which makes it worse. This pic above is Samantha before things go way south. So within a matter of days she goes from looking like that to this:

Image from https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2EusPCzQlJmes5m_qQdUsFcYHxgzqBJyj7yEkIK-0-Oz8UpJ47dQschbET7LGMNmA-P2hWBwiq1SOICXlmOMEFNZPfBdfp2-wC22uuZOrk4Yuli0uURXDc2r9JLlwnFtPwlj2buc8snGO/s1600/contracted-01.jpg

No one, not even herself, was particularly concerned about this immediate transformation. Whatevs.
The one good thing I have to say about it is it's an interesting opinion of how people become zombies.

Worst Movie Ever

For you out there that truly enjoy the torture of an awful film:

Worst film I've ever seen is

Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)

Written and directed by James Nguyen
If you think you've seen a more horrible film, please tell me what it is, cause as of right now I don't think there is anything worse. I don't know what the filmmakers were thinking, or even if they were thinking, but this is garbage.

So this movie is about killer birds. And the reason they kill? Global warming. And then at the end, they fly away.

This movie is so bad, and for more reasons than just the story. The acting is maybe elementary school Thanksgiving play quality. The special effects are worse than that. And the audio is even worse.

Anyway, not gonna talk much more about it cause it'll just get me worked up. So if you're curious to know more, check out the trailer. PS if you're a glutton for this anguish, there is a sequel.

you don't know me

you don't know me (2008)
Directed by Sean Melia


Awesome short film. I love how clean and concise it is.

Watch it here.

Image from SeanMelia.com

So Michael, an old college friend is having a party and Neil and his girlfriend Stefanie come over. Neil is trying to become YouTube famous so he's devised a plane to get more views than ever. He plants some Flip cameras around his friend's house, and waits for the party to end.

When it's over and everyone else is gone, Neil goes to get his friend. He tells Michael that there's been... an accident. In Michael's room where Neil and Stefanie went to screw, like Stefanie. She's dead, Neil claims. Calmly Michael goes back downstairs and gets a beer for Neil. Then they talk about how they'll get rid of the body.

Michael gets a saw, a knife, garbage bags, and suitcases. He plans to drain Stefanie, cut her up, and roll her out of the place. Has Michael done this before? They go back to the bedroom. "Neil, what's going on?" Stefanie, alive, asks Neil in a panic. "Stefanie, run!"

A simple plan to scare Michael nuts and get it on camera has revealed that he's not who they thought at all.

Michael goes after Niel first, closing Stefanie into the bedroom. Soon he returns to the door.

"Is this part of the movie?"
"Yes! Yes, this is part of the movie," Michael answers.
Stefanie huddles with the sheets, and a motor of some kind is heard beyond the door...

~~~

Incredibly low budget, but this simple story doesn't call for a huge one anyway. I enjoyed it. I though Michael's (played by Michael Hogan) acting was good. I would have like a crisper picture, cleaner sound, and a little better lighting, but they're not bad in a way that distracts. It's a great short that could be greater with these changes is all. I think this is an inspiration to young filmmakers who are trying to do it all on their own and do it well. You don't have to have amazing cameras or special effects. At the core, it's about a well-said story. A horror movie that didn't show any violence, but got it's fear factor from the implications.

I don't know much about the director, Sean Melia. The IMDB page is pretty barren and there hasn't been any recent talk about him online that I've found. I hope to see his name more though. He seems to be pretty to-the-point in his art, as evident by no superfluous junk in this short, as well as his web site.

Image from http://www.openfilm.com/reviews/videos/meliasean-you-dont-know-me

So yes, very good, very good. Would recommend.

Entity

Entity (2012)
Directed by Steve Stone


A good movie to watch alone at night. Only really 2/5 though. This film has a good amount of potential, but at the end when the film has built up to possibly be something really cool it goes the other way and just sort of flatlines. Just sort of ends.

Image from www.entitythemovie.com


A tv show crew from Darkest Secrets goes to Russia when they hear about a bunch of unidentified bodies found in the woods. Russian Yuri tells them no information beyond the fact that there were unidentified bodies found was ever released from the government. The host, and two cameramen are lead by psychic Ruth. The locates the area in the woods where the bodies were found but senses a building through the woods where the people were brought from.

The group follows her and ends up at a building first claimed by Yuri to be for industrial use. Upon exploration they find that isn't true. Ruth wants to leave but host Kate pressures her to continue. It them becomes clear this was set up somewhat like a sanitarium.

When exploring a nearly barren room with only a bed, Ruth is attacked. She's disrupted something. When the group turns around they find crewmember David is missing. They set up a base camp in another room with Ruth rests and scrub through their camera footage for signs of David. It looks like he's just wandered off. Kate and cameraman Matt go to search for him.

While those two are gone it's revealed to Ruth that Yuri knows more about this place than he's be owning up to. After prying, Yuri admits he's here searching for someone -- a long lost love, Tasha. Tasha was a psychic and one day she just went missing. Yuri heard of psychics being captured and used for government and military experiments. He's sure this is where she was brought, and eventually killed like everyone else.

Yuri coaxes Ruth into helping with his gun. Meanwhile Kate and Matt find David, but only after something else has. In the darkness he's tossed around like a rag doll so the two flee back to base. Once there, Yuri forces them all to assist him in his search before he'll let them go. But once they begin searching, the entity finds them. A door separated Yuri from the group. He gets a glimpse of his Tasha, but is then claimed by something else.

Ruth then insists Matt and Kate escape while she tries to talk to the spirits, or at least buy them time. When almost out, Kate persuades Matt to go back with her for Ruth. They find her by the room where the thing was 'disturbed'. Then they retreat to their base to hold out till light. Unfortunately they don't make it. Matt goes to gather the cameras but something gets him. Kate goes to investigate what's taking him so long, only to find his body. Cornered she becomes pray as well.

When she awakens she's in that room again. She walks around to find her crew and Yuri. They say nothing, save for Ruth. In Russian she tells Kate that she'll never leave. She returns to her room, then disappears. Ruth, or whatever is in her body, walks away into the forest.

Image from www.entitythemovie.com

So the pacing is a little wonky. The movie is under 90 minutes and it takes about an hour for Yuri to reveal the real reason he told the TV show about the bodies. Acting is okay. I don't know that the characters were fully developed. Like why would Kat push Ruth to continue in the beginning but then go back for her in the end? If she had been jaded as a TV host from a lot of bogus leads in the past, then they should have explained that in the film. Out of the blue David becomes afraid of bears and wolves when they walk through the woods too. Totally felt from left field. Just bizarre stuff.

Colour correction for the film is a typical highly desaturated horror blue. There's little in terms of music, but that's because as a semi found-footage type film, all the ambient noises were important to hear. I do appreciate that this was a hybrid of found footage and regular third person omnipotent POV. It was nice to not have another poopy found footage film.

There's a lot of unanswered questions in the film, but not necessarily pot holes, meaning this film can leave you thinking. If you watch with a friend you'll be able to speculate a lot of stuff. Like is the reason the government didn't say anything else about the bodies because they knew where they were from and didn't want anyone else getting involved with the disgruntled spirits? Ect.

Worth a watch if you're bored at night. Otherwise, not that great.

Zambezia

Zambezia (2012)
Directed by Wayne Thornley

I mentioned in a prior post other animations popping up from studios other than the usual suspects (Disney and DreamWorks). This is one of them--Triggerfish Animation Studios. And the movie is great!

Image from www.zambeziamovie.com

Cabin fever is killing curious young falcon, Tai, but his father, Tendai wants the two of them to just stick to the area they currently reside in. Unfortunately for Tendai, a stork Gogo, her friend Tini and some eggs stop in breaking the monotony. Their sudden appearance makes Tai want to explore even more. The newcomers say they're going to an island called Zambezia, a safe heaven for all birds except for marabou. Weird thing is though Tai has never seen them before they seem to know Tendai.
When they leave, Tai decides to follow them, apologizing to his father but saying he has to do this. Tendai later decides to go after his son but overhears some marabou talking to Budzo, a large leguaan who eats eggs. They're teaming up and planning a coup d'etat over Zambezia! Unfortunately before Tendai can fly away to warn the citizens he's captured.
Meanwhile in Zambezia Tai is eager to join the Hurricanes, an elite group of flyers that patrols the city, offers citizens help, and keeps the area safe. He makes the cut to be a trainee and makes some new friends, Ezee and Zoe.
Zoe's father Sekhuru is informed of Tai's arrival in the city and asks Gogo if Tendai will be coming. Doesn't look like it.
On the day of Zambezia's Spring Celebration all the weaver birds are kidnapped by Marabou! Tai and the Hurricanes go after them. Thinking he can catch up with them, Tai breaks formation, but to no avail. Not being able to work with the team gets Tai in trouble. Then things get worse. Tai decides he'll go look around himself for the missing weavers. That night Ezee, Zoe and Tai sneak out even though Tai is grounded. They end up overhearing an evil plot between the marabou and Budzo about forcing the weavers to build a bridge across the water to Zambezia. The marabou will no longer be excluded and no one will be able to stop Budzo. It's a horribly evil team! Unfortunately Ezee gets hurt so Zoe flies back for help. This gets them in big trouble, and Tai is kicked off the Hurricanes.
Shortly afterwards a few more Maribou stop by. The Huriccanes leave in pursuit, however it's a trap!
They're caught in a net.
Meanwhile Tai is sulking and thinking of going back to his father's. Gogo is angry at hearing this and forces him to see Sekhuru. Gogo insists it's time for Tai to know the truth of his past, and his mother. Sekhuru agrees.
Long ago Tai's mother and father founded the Hurricanes to protect Zambezia. Zambezia came first. They were attacked by Budzo, who was stealing eggs. Sukhuru, Tendai, and Tai's mother gave it there all but were only able to save one egg. That eggs grew up to be Zoe. Sekhuru lost a wing, Budzo a toe, and Tai's mother lost her life. Tendai was overwhelmed by grief and left with baby Tai to find a new place to live. He wanted to live in a place where the strong didn't have to stick their necks out for the weak. He didn't want to have to suffer all these pains for what to him seemed like nothing. He wanted to be far from the island.
Inspired by the story, Tai insists they go search for Budzo's trail from the other night. Zoe, Tai and Gogo leave on their mission.  Tai and Gogo don't find Budzo, but they find the weavers and Tendai, caged. They break them out and hear that the marabou and Budzo left long ago to put the plan in motion. With everyone free they head back to Zambezia. When they arrive it's too late! The marabou have just put down the woven bridge and Budzo begins to cross. When Budzo meets on the bridge with marabou leader Cecil he explains it's not just a coup d'etat for Zambezia, but he's double crossing the marabou too! Leguanns all over are rushing for the bridge.
With the Huriccanes still gone, Tendai and Tai take it upon themselves to do what they can. Tai convinces the marabou to side with them against the leguaans since they now have a common enemy.
Still searching, Zoe hears distant cries. It's the Huriccanes calling from help from the net! She finds them and frees them, then they rush back home.
On the island the birds are panicking. Budzo is heading for the eggs! Tai tries to raise morale and encourage everyone to do what they can to help keep their home safe. The Hurricanes return and the battle is heated. Birds are chucking watermelon at the bridge trying to stop the other leguaans, and Cecil is frantically trying to chew through the bridge. Eventually he makes it, and the only problem left is Budzo. The whole community is giving it their all. The Hurricanes have brought back the net they were on and use it on Budzo. Everyone is pulling the net or pushing the structure Budzo is on, trying to make him fall off the island. Finally he gives, and tumbles down. But Zoe's foot is caught in the net! As she falls with him, Tai dives to save her. They get dangerously close to the water, beyond the point any other bird is able to pull up in time. Tendai and Sukhuru fear they've lost their children, when Ezee's amazing eyesight spots them in the mists rising up. They return victorious.
Zambezia now welcome the marabou as part of their paradise, and the Hurricanes induct many new recruits, including Morton, distant cousin of Cecil who after year of vying for Cecil's love and attention finally gets it. Every bird is safe and happy.

Image from www.zambeziamovie.com

Nice amount of detailing. Even in dessert scenes, the animation doesn't seem spartan and cheap because of little details, like the sun passing through feathers. So nice! Not as crazy detailed as Legend of the Guardians, but pretty nice.

I also personally love all the difference accents going on. It's really fun. The audio, dialogue, foley, and music is wonderful.

This South African film stars the voice talents of stars from all over, including Leonard Nimoy! Crazy, right? If you're not strictly on a live-action diet, this film is soooo so worth a watch. It's littered with awesome live-action celebs that are actually doing quiet well with voice acting.

Mr. Nimoy and his character Sekhuru. Images from IMDB and https://www.facebook.com/zambeziamovie

Here's something else crazy, this amazing film is this animation studio's first work! Triggerfish Animation Studios has done commercials in the past, but with the success of their first movie, hopefully it'll be feature lengths from here on out. Zambezia had been in the works for six years, and it turned out great. Their next film, Khumba, is set to release this year. This having been their first feature film doesn't make Triggerfish a threat to the big dogs, but I enjoyed this film so much I'll gladly watch the next one, and I wouldn't be surprised if their studio became a new household name in the US.

There's been a handful of entertaining bird themed animations over the last several years--Surf's Up, Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga-Hoole, Happy Feet and more. If you enjoyed any of those films, this one won't dissappoint.

Decay

 Science nerds, this text should ring a bell. Image from http://www.decayfilm.com/2012/lhc-sign.html

Decay (2012)
Directed by Luke Thompson

Wow.
The film is acceptable, but the curcumstances surrounding it make it great.

 Image from http://www.decayfilm.com/2012/keep-calm-and-baryon.html

So what happens when living tissue is exposed to the 'God Particle'? This film gives one possible answer.
A problem underground in the LHC is detected. Four students, Amy, Connor, James, and Matt, are sent underground to the Large Hadron Collider's control room to monitor things while a tech team investigates the LHC.
While in the control room something goes horribly wrong and the group has to restart the power by leaving the room, all the while Amy is trying to run simulations on her computer of what will happen to live organisms around the Higgs Boson. Once in the tunnels they begin to hear strange sounds. Something attacks the group. James is bitten. They run for their lives.
The group finds refuge in the server room where they hope to get a message to the outside. They cannot contact the outside, however they do receive the simulation results from Amy's computer in the other room. Radiation from the Higgs Boson is deadly. It kills the brain except for the stem, leaving the affected organism only with primal functions. Kill, and eat. Unfortunately someone with security access on the outside is wiping all the data, erasing his tracks. This couldn't have happened by accident. Someone was willing to send innocent people down just to see what the Higgs Boson woul do. The only good news--Connor found a map.
James becomes exhuasted and 'falls asleep'. When he awakens he's just like the other creatures and attacks Connor. Matt flees, leaving Amy to kill her own brother to save her crush, Connor.
After James is killed, Amy helps a wounded Connor hobble away. In another tunnel they're hunted again and Connor is eaten. Grief-stricken and alone Amy continues. Meanwhile Matt gets attacked by a  bunch of ladies and eaten.
Amy eventually makes it out only to find someone infected got out before her and everyone in sight is infected. Amy seeks shelter inside a professor's office. She knows he has a backup copy of all the data on the 'God Particle', so Amy has to send it out to let the world know.
Behind her a man, the director general of CERN, enters the room aiming a gun at her. He had to let this happen, the research was too important he tells her. Her professor wanted to shut down the LHC, but he couldn't have that. And he can't let her go blabbing. He shoots Amy. Unfortunately for him she's been recording a voicemail to another physicist the whole time, and may or may not have already emailed the data.

Matt following Connor down a tunnel. Image from http://www.decayfilm.com/2012/tunnel-flashlight-2.html

So this is a film you can watch and download for free, as it is made under a Creative Commons license. Pretty cool. It's offered in many different qualities from SD to theatre screening.

Also interesting to mention is the film was made by students and physicists. It's not something made by film students. With that in mind, I'm understanding of the editing decisions. However, as an editor, some of the audio issues and pacing issues could have easily been resolved XP There lots of shot where a character walks past a camera looking down a corridor. If only the shot hung on that empty corridor for a couple extra seconds the tension could have been hugly increased just by giving the audience a chance to think 'Oh noes, something's gonna cast a shadow or start walking down the hall!'

The audio is atrocious. Again if my rocket science peeps showed me a film of this caliber I'd be amazed, but just to be critical from a film person's POV I'm mentioning it. A lot of the audio problems could have been resolved with L cuts in the non-linear editing software. Even running the audio through something like Audacity could have cleaned up a bunch of that white noise which is not consistent from one scene to the next. In some cases the audio was too loud and seemed to peak, in some cases it was too quiet (mostly with dialogue).

There was a lot of nice mood lighting though. I'm not sure if it was just how the tunnels were regularly lit, or if the crew had to do anything special, but that was great. The amount of darkness versus what was visible in each scene was a great balance.

This film was made with an incredibly small budget, making it all the more amazing. These are just some of the circumstances that make this movie great, in spite of technical flaws.

If you enjoy science, if you enjoy b-movies, if you want to see what physicists do for fun, watch this film.

Silence Becomes You

Silence Becomes You (2005)
Directed by Stephanie Sinclaire

First off, let me spare you from the agony that is this film. This one isn't worth your time. It's not like a bad b-movie that you watch for laughs. It's just a bad movie.
Bad pacing, bad writing, confusing confusing confusing story.

Image from http://movie.sanook.com/story_picture/picture/movie/12328/2-9/3

So this is my interpretation of the story.
The film opens with a shot looking down at a girl in a pool getting sprayed with water that's glistening like crystals in the light. Very pretty. But pretty much unrelated to anything.
In a bar a woman is trying to pick up an attractive young man Luke (Joe Anderson). However another woman is eying Luke from another table and Luke chooses the second girl. The new couple leaves the bar together and ends up back at the girl, Violet's ( Alicia Silverstone) huge house.
Luke, drunk, passes out on a bed and Violet and her sister Grace (Sienna Guillory) take off his pants. Let him think he got lucky, I guess.
In the morning the girls tell him that he can stay a few days since Luke is a vagabond. He takes them up on it and grows closer to Violet. In turn this makes Grace jealous, like to the point where she pulls a knife on the poor guy.
Some amount of time passes (it's pretty unclear how much time since the movie has little sense of time), and the trio have pretty much stayed in this house the whole time. Luke's going stir crazy, and eventually Luke and Violet have sex. Luke is falling for her and wants her to leave with him. Grace tries to convince Violet that there's nothing good beyond these walls, including Luke. One day while Violet goes to the market, Grace seduces Luke (though he did protest her advances several times, so good effort Luke!). Violet finds out and runs off into the woods around her mansion in tears. Luke chases after her, telling her something that convinces her they should drive off together. Things seem like they're going to go well for Luke and Violet, but crazy Grace wants her sister back. The girls have some sort of twin stigmata going on, as well as, for lack of a better explanation, voodoo on each other. Grace begins to burn a photo of Violet, and Violet starts getting feverish in the car. Eventually Grace puts out the little fire not wanting to kill her sister. This is apparently enough to draw her back. While Luke sleeps in the passenger seat Violet drives all the way back to her house. Luke awakens furious and gives her an ultimatum--leave now with him or it's over. The sisters convince him to stay just one more night before leaving because Violet has recently announced their pregnancy. Luke agrees. One more night. That's it.
Wanting to 'celebrate' Violet heads to the market to buy food for a feast in her car that Grace has sabotaged. Luke is instructed to stay at the house with Grace and pose for a painting of him. She ends up losing it though and pulls a bow and arrow on Luke.
Violet's car breaks down and she senses something's wrong enough to hurry back to the house after a quick temporary repair. She peers through a window in a door to see her sister's arrow aimed at her lover. A buzzed Luke is more angry than afraid and starts setting the room on fire with a bottle of alcohol. The arrow strikes him dead. Violet has some sort of early miscarriage. Grace is pregnant. And the sisters part ways.

There's lots of other random unhelpful stuff sprinkled here and there in the film too, like implications of child abuse. It's also said that the girls never went to public school, so their sheltered lives explain why they dress so funny. They basically dress how a little girl would dress, except they're grown woman. So they have lots of sequins and ugly tights and just stupid outfits that would only look cute on a 7 year old girl.
There's also a line spoken by the girls' dead father repeated over and over. Something about writing your story in blood so your lead bones will turn into gold. It's just a bunch of poop!

Here, look at a picture of Joe Anderson to help sooth the anguish this movie creates. Image from http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/joe-anderson/images/1873375/title/joe-anderson-photo


Opens like an art film. I found myself thinking "Cremaster Cycle...?" But that thought alone is an insult to Matthew Barney, because Silence Becomes You is a weird mess that doesn't leave you in awe. As one of the thread titles on IMDB puts it, this film was "Undeserving of a theatrical release".

Then after the bar scene the set looks a lot like the outside of the house in The Others with Nichole Kidman.

This movie doesn't successfully convey the passage of time well. It's kinda just a big CF.
And perhaps I'm just too sensative to this, but the audio was killing me. There didn't seem to be any de-essing in the dialogue's audio so my ears, ahh, they hurt :, (

I'd like to also point out that this film was directed, written, and produced by the same person. This feels worthy of pointing out because if you're doing half the roles of making a movie then you run risks of failing because you don't have people with emphasis in one area or another to make better judgement calls than you'd be able to. Nothing Sinclaire has produced has amazing reviews. It's also noteworthy to mention Sinclaire has more of a background in theatre, not film. Not everyone can successfully walk back and forth between cinema and theatre. One of the things that struck me in Silence was some of the comically exaggerated motions, and I thought "What is this? Theatre?" Only after the film ended and I researched the director did I see why I felt that way.

I watched this movie because I really enjoy Joe Anderson's work in The River so I thought I'd give Silence a try. I wouldn't say the actors did a bad job. I blame an undeveloped storyline that has it's characters acting beyond believability. This makes the audience have no empathy for the characters at all!
Nothing was developed! We basically just see Violet and Luke make out and have sex, and we never see any other component of their relationship. Like why are you two in love? Then again, maybe it is just the sex.
Gosh, I just can't get over how underdeveloped the film is. There's like a million little components that could've been fleshed out to better convey what the hell was going on, but every component was just sort of only half done!

If you want to watch something good, go watch The River. Don't watch this.

Can my funeral please be as cool as this?

There's this awesome Kurosawa film Dreams. In school we studied it for it's use of colour, then yesterday I head the funeral march song come on from some room and I ask the guy near the door "Are they watching Dreams?"
"I think so."
"Cool." And I nod in approval. Yes, I only watched it for the first time because in my studies it came up, but it honestly is amazing. I love it and watch it voluntarily now!

Here's some film details:
Dreams (1990)
Directed by Akira Kurosawa
You may recognize his name since he's the amazing director of other highly regarded films like Yojimbo and Seven Samurai.
Kurosawa has since passed only two years before the turn of the century. He's arguably Japan's greatest director.
Dreams is somewhat of a mesh of reality and fantasy, as dreams usually are. The film consists of several vignettes into events that may of may not be related. We see some repeating themes and characters, but not necessarily a string of consciousness that binds all the tales together. It's not a really dialogue-heavy film either which can be nice. So much more can be conveyed through the set, lighting, color and the body language. After all, words can only say so much.

Image from http://taxi11.blogspot.com/2012/09/akira-kurosawas-dreams-1990-yume-dvdrip.html